Everyone around our table is now chatting away, no-one seems to be looking at the stage, and there’s people singing songs and stuff, then the compare announces ‘the lovely, voluptuous Vicky, who’s going to dance for us’. There’s something in the way he introduces Her that makes me look up, to see this Goddess walk onto the stage. I’m 19, a wanker, and I’ve only seen girls in my mags, apart from a few lucky flashes now and again. I’ve never seen a girl in a bikini for real and Miss Vicky is wearing what I know now to be a dancer’s bikini with tassels and frills, and a big scarf d****d over Her shoulders which only occasionally reveals Her bikini. It’s a very long time ago and much of what happened is a blur, but as I’ve told the story before and dream about it to this day, I remember the salient details like it was yesterday – at least I think so. The first few minutes watching Her it was like I was oblivious to anything else – not only is She a Goddess, and wearing less than I’ve. Even that time I witnessed his father slapping him across the face for forgetting to take out the trash, we still found things to say to each other and he trusted me to be there and say the right things. It’s like this person beside me isn’t Ben. I want to tear my hair out just to make that Ben come back and occupy this skin beside me that’s not looking at me. ‘I guess we’re not okay yet.’ The words are dragged out of me. ‘Guess not,’ he agrees. ‘God damnit, Ben,’ I punch the air with my words and stomp away, leaving my coffee there, leaving Amy there. And I walk. I walk a long time. My knees aren’t very happy with me, and then my feet are even less happy. The only thing I can think about is that I have no idea how to live my life without Ben. It starts to rain. And here I forgot my umbrella. The streets puddle with light as the sun sets. I feel the rain flow between my fingers as I walk. I can’t remember being this drenched before. It’s when I get to a corner store and see the.
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